I don’t consider myself an ignorant person. I’m diligent in my research, in getting advice, direction, input from those who are more experienced than I, in seeking out every resource and data. And though the feedback is consistent, I’m still not totally buying it. Even with a measure of proof, I still think my mother is being denied more than she needs to be.
We are in the middle of a heat wave here in the North East. Temperatures have gone above 90 for close to 5 days. It’s been unbearable. One thing Mom always hated was the heat. She has no tolerance for it, and neither do I. So this week, Ma stayed in the very comfortable air-conditioned rest home without any outside excursions; we just had many meaningful visits inside.
I could clearly see by yesterday, the seventh day she’s been at the home without going out, that she was calmer, more engaged and less confused. The Director of Nursing and I discussed the almost glaring change in my mother’s demeanor. I saw the benefits. I am not blind.
And then I spoke about an upcoming wedding we are invited to, and visits from relatives over the next two weeks.
“Neither will be good for her Lisa. Your family can visit here or you can take her out. But again, going to your home will be too confusing for her.” She continued, “…and a wedding would be way too stimulating for her.”
And that’s when I lost it…again. Is my mother a prisoner? The disease is already usurping her mind. Now it encroaches upon her ability to enjoy a celebration or a day at my house with family? I just can’t abide by this, I can’t accept it. I feel like a mother whose child is disabled and being told he/she can’t jump a fence or ride a bike. The mother adamantly refuses to accept what she is being told is truth and the child soars to heights no one imagined.
Well, I am not going to sit back and watch Alzheimer’s take everything from my mother. I am NOT going down without a fight. I will never believe the right thing is denying her enjoyment. There has to be some sort of balance. She loves being around her family. Dementia has not changed that. If the venue is too stimulating, we’ll leave. But I am not going down without trying.