Thursday, January 6, 2011

New Year's Eve Ramblings

I haven’t wanted to write because of the sadness. There is a certain amount of guilt in posting all of this negative stuff. So I’ve refrained in hopes that there would be good news to post. There hasn’t been.

Mom, due to her advancing symptoms, had to move out of the rest home and into a nursing home where she could receive more intensive care. There IS good news in that we were able to get mom into the home of our choice, the Jewish Healthcare Center in Worcester. Odd selection for an old Italian Catholic :-). But truly, they are amazing caregivers and I know she is in the best of hands. A huge blessing.

Today is New Year’s Eve and my heart is so heavy. I feel tremendously heartbroken for mom and yes, for me. Because we live far from my brother, her sisters and nieces, our days are spent together, just the two of us, and it is getting very lonely. Does she feel the loneliness too? My husband and others think not since she is surrounded by people who dote on her…the staff is wonderful. But is she missing her family as well? There are no signs of this that I can see, yet the thought of it keeps me up at night sometimes.

We’ve considered moving multiple times and have even gone so far as to look at properties closer to family. But now especially, with her in excellent care, a move seems less likely.

Dan has been the perfect third wheel. He goes to see Mom whenever I can’t and gives me a break at least once a week. He’ll often join me on the weekends for a visit and bring us supper so we can all eat together on Wednesday nights. What a blessing he is!

So, I guess there are positives to post, and with the New Year I am going to try my best to focus on those. I definitely need a perspective change or else I am going to continue a slide downhill.

7 comments:

  1. New Years Eve was no fun for me either. I have spent many New Years Eves with mom . It used to be Mom ,me and my son but now he is 20 so he is not home on New years eve anymore. For the last 3 maybe 4 yrs mom did not even know it was New years eve which makes it lonely for me. I have always stayed up and watched the new year in by myself but this yr I went to bed. What is the use of staying up. It just makes it harder to take care of mom the next day. You are in my thoughts an and you are not alone. Take care.

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  2. So glad to see your post. Guilt? We all need each other in our struggles. Please continue to share both good and bad so none of us feel alone. XO

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  3. I'm sorry to hear that :( Just hope that you won't feel guilty about sharing things regardless of whether they are good or bad. We are hear for you and it is refreshing and takes strength to spread our hardships. It also provides people with hope and solace about their own battles. Thank you :)

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  4. Never feel guilty about posting negative thoughts, Lisa. It's only human to have negative thoughts in a difficult situation like you're living through with your mother's decline. I've missed your postings these last couple months so was very happy to see a post today. Your friends need to know how you're coping and how things are with your mom. Sending a hug.

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  5. Nancy, Saumya, Fred and Karen: Thank you for your positive words. I hope to find the brighter side to this disease this year. My sanity depends on it!

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  6. I really feel for you as you see your Mom decline. How good that you found an excellent place where she will be lovingly cared for. When we can not be with them it is a relief to know that she is provided comfort and support by health care individuals. It's just such a sense of peace on the mind and heart. Many hugs to you as you continue your journey.

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  7. Latane, thank you for your kind words and your hugs. I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your husband. I send the hugs right back to you xo

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